Hulyo 2008


   You left me and meg on the fourth of july. The United States of America was celebrating, it was also meant to be a joyous day because it was also tita ely’s birthday. Why on that day mom? What was your reason? Where are the promises that was made before you left us?

   It has been 13 long years since you ended your worldly pain. I was 13 back then. Also, it has been 13 days past your death anniversary.

   Since, your departure mom, life did not go smoothly as we planned before. I never got to HongKong. I never enrolled in Don Bosco. Dad acted foolishly since you went away. It has been a pebble-pegged road. I never got the chance to take the entrance exam for PMA because I broke my hand before college graduation. Dad, never bought me a car to take me to places. Instead, our savings in the bank was taken by her “woman.” Dad remarried, but not legally though, there are still questions about the celebrations validity.

   We took care of meggie real well. Thanks to Tita L. she was like a mother to her. As to me, I’m always the odd one out in the family. After you’re gone, I slept on the couch. I’m still sleeping on the couch though. I never had the chance to have my own room, yup, even the one that you made for me in Alfonso. Dad did some things that was well off the plan.

   Mom, I’m in my sixth year in law school. Yes, you heard it right, I’m in my sixth year. Hopefully, I graduate this year. I ask for your spiritual help on this. My life has gone in many directions.

   What made me sad Mom is that I didn’t have the chance to introduce you to my past girlfriends, nor I had the chance to ask your advice on the matters of the heart. There was one thing that did happen according to your prediction, I made them cry. You said, it was because of the discreet mole on my cheek. I never understood Dad’s advice, he said I should have as many girlfriends as possible. I can’t though, its very expensive to have one, what more if I had another. We’re not that financially as supported before mom. Even the food on the shelf, we’re off-limits because our stepmother does not like the idea that we have an easy life.

   It’s been thirteen years and your loss is still felt. I’m sorry if don’t frequent your grave, I’m kind of busy, or at least that’s my reason; but i know you’ll understand your wayward son. Mom, if you can hear me, guide me. I’m still your little boy. I may not be a good boy lately, but I’m trying not to dissapoint you and Dad. If you’re alive, I would like to see your smile again.

   Mom, I miss the days that you made our house alive. The family is divided. I’m trying to be strong for the family. I hope, you, mama, papa, lolo benben, and lola josefa will give me the strength, wisdom, and enlightenment to face my challenges. As quoted, the woods is dark and deep, I have miles to go before I sleep, please show me the light, awaken my soul, and enlighten my heart. Help me find the right path.

Advertisements

This is a weird feeling, i like the girl, I’m 25 years old, had lots of experience in life and even near death experience, and I’m still scared to express my feelings for TC.

   Hindi ako natakot pag may kalokohan akong gagawin. Hindi ako natatakot na umuwi ng umaga ng lasing na lasing. Hindi ako natatakot. Pero bakit ngayon, parang feeling ko nauutal ako at di alam ang sasabihin pag nakikita ko siya. huli ko itong naramdaman nung highschool ako, yung tinatawag nilang butterfly sa stomach.

   Mukhang OK naman kami kasi ilang beses na kami lumabas at nagkulitan. Pero bakit ganun natiotiope pa din ako. Siguro takot lang ako sa rejection, na magbago ang sitwasyon naming dalawa.

   Pero eto ang mas nakakatakot, mukhang nasasanay na akong manahimik na lang sa aking nararamdaman. Naks. Ang corny, feeling ko hindi ako ito. But then again, ika nga ni Amanda Peet sa movie na “A lot like love”, it ain’t love ’til your ready to sound foolish…or something like that. I don’t know if this is love pero i think its a lot like it (hehe, borrowing the lines of ashton kutcher in the same movie).

   I’ve had relationships before, pero bakit ganun. I wooed a lot before, pero bakit ganun. Well, as saying goes, “even though you’ve gone through the fire it doesn’t mean that you won’t get burned.”

   I get to meet her only during the weekends, pero she’s in my mind everyday…where are you courage? Haaay, naghihintay sa pagkakataong hindi darating. Everytime we wait for the right moment, there will always come an incident that will reveal our thoughts destroying the perfect moment. Perfect does not exist in this world.

For a long long time, hindi ako naka pag post sa blog na ito. Maraming dahilan. Eto ang ilan:

1. Balik paaralan, nangungumahog ako ulit sa aking favorite past-time for the past six years (yes, six years na po ako nag-aaral ng batas at hindi pa gumagradweyt, yes, yes, yes, i know, overdue na ako), ang pagbabasa ng libro at mga kaso.

2. Nahihibang ako sa ganda ng aking kaklase na tatawagin natin sa pangalang TC… haaay, ganda talaga niya…

3. Nahihibang ulit kay TC…

4. TC ulit…

5. Oo na, oo na, ibang reason naman; pansamantalang na block ng IT ng kumpanya namin ang internet.

6. Bukod kay TC… a oo nga pala, medyo busy din sa trabaho at bahay.

7. Sa pakikipag away sa ibang frat. hehe.

8. TC… at iba pa…

   Anong point ng post na ito? Wala lang, gusto ko lang mabuhay sa mundo ng internet. At tsaka, natotorpe ako kay TC… yup, parang hayskul.